The Da Vinci Method

Overall I think Loporto's "The Da Vinci Method" is worth reading. I have some reservations, but lets start with the positives...

A positive view of ADD. Loporto explores why ADD types are potentially more creative and capable of original thought than others. In brief, we are closer to our unconscious selves, think visually, are not so constrained by rule bound thinking or behaviour and tend to occupy alpha /theta brain waves patterns which are conducive to creativity.

Brain wave patterns. Loporto gives a very clear explanation of brain wave patterns and why they are important. He argues that ADD types tend to find it harder to access beta patterns (the mode for most people). We tend to occupy theta or alpha patterns. The theta pattern, though less focusing and more dreamy, allows us to be more creative. According to Loporto, the optimum brain wave position for us is the alpha/theta border.

Completion difficulty. He has an interesting take on why we find it difficult to complete. Drawing on the psychotherapist Otto Rank, Loporto suggests that for us ADD types, completion feels like death. This is connected to the notion that we tend to see everything in wholes. (Though I do not quite get the logic of this argument, I connect with the emotion behind it. For me completing seems inexplicably painful..)

Frustrated “artist”. The term “artist” here is a generic term for creator, inventor, explorer, entrepreneur, pioneer etc. Again drawing on Otto Rank, Loporto suggests that many of our more neurotic tendencies - anxiety, procrastination, frustration etc - arise when we are not expressing our true nature. Our personality type is one which wants to push boundaries and explore. If we do not find an outlet for this side of our personalities, we will feel frustrated. I found this an interesting perspective.

Need for honesty and humour. If we want to develop our “artist” side we need to be honest and true to ourselves, and also be able take ourselves lightly. We need to give ourselves the freedom to honestly explore and make mistakes. If we take ourselves too seriously, if we are too precious with out creativity, we are likely find it too scary to express what is in us.

There was much in the book which resonated with my own experience. And it was interesting to find Otto Rank mentioned. He is a less well known disciple of Freud who went off in his own direction (writing in the early twentieth century). I came across Rank when I was a student and was impressed by his writings. Rank also indirectly influenced Carl Rogers – the founder of person-centred counselling. There are quite a few “leads” that I would like to explore more.

These are my reservations:

Pop style. I found the popular style of the book annoying. Loporto tends to “shout” in the pages and often presents things as fact rather than as hypotheses . I had to keep 'turning down the volume' in order to be able to hear his message! I often had the sense that he is trying to “sell me something”. (It could just be my English sensibilities struggling with a rather brash American style!)

Over generalising. To my mind Loporto exaggerates the idea that we ADD types are all potential creative geniuses. Though it is important to look at the positives, there are places in the book where he seems to be encouraging a kind of arrogance, that “Da Vinci types” are superior to “normal types”. Speaking for myself, I already have a good dose of narcissism (a kind of self protective arrogance as an antidote to an underlying sense of shame). Although my arrogance helps me to get by, it is ultimately unhelpful when it comes to trying to communicate what is important to me in a way that others can understand!

It is not a “method”. Loporto admits this at the end of the book, and rather weakly justifies this. A more accurate description of the book would be “the Da Vinci attitude” or the Da Vinci Perspective”. I have no problem with this, but if people are looking for a “method” they will not find it.

For all this, there is wisdom in the book. I have learnt over the years that wisdom comes in many guises and voices. Sometimes I need to do a bit of translation in order to get to the juicy bits in a book, and this is the case for me with Loporto!

This book will not be everyone’s cup of tea, but if you have creative edge wanting to be expressed, you may find things in this book which resonate and support you.

ADD workshop

Last Saturday I went to a one day workshop of ADD run by “Simply Well Being” http://www.simplywellbeing.com/

It was amazing to be with a group of ADD types! So it is not just me

-who can see in my head what I need to do, but keep going of in tangents when I try to do it,
-who despite trying hard be tidy, find disorder following me about,
-who gets overwhelmed by “things”
-who has quirky, creative ideas
-who chronically underachieves
-who finds completion painfully difficult
-who is beset by destructive procrastination

I was almost tearful at times. Half my life I have tried to overcome these difficulties. It was poignant for me to know that I am not alone with all this.

The workshop also helped me to acknowledge that I have developed some quite good coping strategies. After all I have been struggling with ADD symptoms for most of my life and I mostly manage to get by. In many ways I function well. Most people do not see how much effort it takes me to do ordinary things so I can manage to “appear” fine.

The other part of me that many people do not get to see is my largely unexpressed creative side, a side of me bubbling with ideas, visions, possibilities. This aspect of me I mostly push down, because I seem to need so much of my energy just to cope with the mundane things. And also I do not altogether trust my creativity….

I am not sure if I can explain that last bit properly right now… I’ll think on it and post again if it gets any clearer.

hyperfocus!

After two weeks of mega procrastination and mounting anxiety, a "switch" finally flicked at the beginning of the week.

With just two days to meet a deadline, I managed to do two weeks work in two days. The stress evaporated, adrenaline kicked in and I was completely focused. For every obstacle (and there were lots) I found solutions. It felt like I was surf riding! I met my targets... and enjoyed the buzz

From my reading on ADD this is a not untypical pattern!!. It is certainly familiar to me. The number of times I have managed to pull a rabbit out of the hat at the last minute.... but such pain before... It is frustrating to know that I have this capacity for super flowing efficiency, yet can be utterly incapacitated with procrastination and overwhelm at other times.

The following is a typical sequence of steps for me:

1. Surfing: cruising along with multiple projects and thriving on the variety. BUT...
2. Cutting corners: things are going OK, but I am skimping on paperwork (filing, prioritising, organising etc ..the boring tasks!!!) . It is not just that I don't want to do it: it feels really hard to do. THEN
3. Procrastination: I start to procrastinate on random jobs. Some are tiny tasks, some are bigger decisions. Once I have procrastinated for more than 3 days, those tasks become harder to complete. THEN...
4. Overwhelm: I start to feel overwhelm and anxiety. Procrastination becomes greater and background anxiety increases. WITH THIS...
5. Avoidance: I start to focus on low priority jobs or start to hyperfocus on whole new creative ventures. Increased sense of pain. THEN...
6. Crunch: Abandon or Complete. I either abandon the project in hand (or rather put in on "back burner" - I rarely abandon things altogether) OR hyperfocus kicks in and I complete. There is a rush of energy, and I am on a creative roll. THEN....
7. Return: I am back cruising along again on multiple projects (number 1 on list)

I have done quite a lot of reading on ADD and have some insights into this pattern. I will explore this in my next post. What I would really like to learn is:

1. To be able get the important "boring" tasks done with ease and so preempt the overwhelm.
2. To unlock the key to hyperfocus, so that I can use it in short bursts when I need it, rather than for it to 'kick in' in a purely reactive way

I guess it is to do with recognising my strengths but having a greater sense of mastery

PS Still not sleeping! Full of adrenaline rather then anxiety perhaps! But I seem to be managing on it...

diet, sleep, disorganisation

I managed to do 7 days with no coffee, reduced sugar and reduced dairy! That seemed like quite an achievement for me. I want to explore how diet effects the ADD symptoms. Too early to make assessment on this, so plan to continue the experiment. I have the sense of my immune system being more efficient without the caffeine.

I have needed a strong immune system this week as insomnia has kicked in big time! (Ironic when giving up coffee :) ) . The problem is not getting to sleep, but staying asleep. It has been a problem for many years, but worse this week! I have woken up anytime from 2 o'clock onwards. Once awake, that's been it. I have tried to doze, but have not really got back to sleep. Herbal remedies generally help me a bit, and I occasionally use an over-the-counter chemical preparation, (but do not like to use them too often). This week, none of it has helped!

I think the source of my sleeplessness has been a sense of mounting chaos and overwhelm. Very behind with course work for my MA course work, lots going on at work, feeling disorganised, procrastinating on important things, finding it hard to prioritise... Once I start that pattern it spirals down. Then of course the sleeplessness means I can't concentrate, which means I get even further behind..!

So.... I have negotiate some extra time for my course work assignments. That takes the pressure off a little.

Time now to take stock. The skill I want to focus on this week is how to schedule my time in a way that serves me!! Planning seems a very unnatural thing for me.....I will report back.

Jam

ps I ordered The Da Vinci method. It arrived yesterday. Have skim read it. I find it hard to warm to Da Porto (the author), and greatly dislike the hype around the book, but can see there is some useful stuff in it.

Progress Check..

There is loads on ADD on the web... a little overwhelmed with it all! Mmmm... it provides yet another wonderful opportunity for diversions from my tasks at hand!!! Slightly ironic:)


I have ordered two books: "You mean I am not lazy, stupid of crazy!". This is apparently a classic. And also "ADD-friendly ways to organize your life". I'll report back when I have had a chance to look at them. Am also exploring getting a coach. And I have booked on for a one day workshop on ADD.

I am quite curious about the book called "The Da Vinci Method". I am a bit put off by the hype in the way it is promoted. I'll get it at some stage, but will look at the other books I am getting first...

I am getting more and more behind in my work of my MA. Need to prioritise that for a bit... but reluctant ..... OK, this is my plan

• I'll make a task schedule of my studies... structure is supposed to help.
• celebrate every tiny step
• ask a friend for support..

Will report on how I get on

Also... will give up caffeine and sugar for 7 days... I am interested to know if that helps to calm me down...

Creation..

Sculpture

Last night I watched a beautiful nature art film - a work in progress created by a film maker friend of mine. He is working on a commission for a hospital: slow scenes of landscape, nature, buildings around Derby through the seasons. Delight! It reminded me how I love the visual arts. I don't have much time for art right now - work crazily busy, doing an MA, doing up my house... :) I would love to do more sculpture. Here is one of mine from a while back...

It is perhaps useful for me to remember how much of a visual person I am. When I was a child I had a passion for maps. I would copy, draw, and read maps while struggling to write. Maps seemed to speak my language. If you had asked me at the age of 10 what I wanted to do when I grew up, I would have answered "Map maker!" I'm still much happier with pictures and images, than I am with words.

Am I ADD?

I mentioned yesterday to some friends that I am exploring ADD and that I thought that it might account for some of my difficulties. The response was rather dismissive. It got me thinking: "Am I just looking for excuses.... after all everyone can say they procrastinate, or find it hard to finish jobs sometimes.. “

OK this is true… but then I have managed to have 5 or 6 careers before being ready to call myself middle aged … is that normal?! I have dabbled in almost every field of study to some degree. From science and technology to the arts, from philosophy to mathematics, from work with small children to university lecturing. I play seven musical instruments (at varying levels of skill!), have had phases of making sculptures, painting, life drawing, writing poetry, performance, dancing, running …..yet I rarely get to the satisfaction of real mastery or completion.

I have a quirky intelligence.. I am utterly fascinated by the world but often find it hard to navigate my way round ordinary practicalities. I love inventing things from gadgets to complex conceptual systems. I have projects galore at different stages… but few which have reached completion. I live with a sense of chaos just below the surface and a pervasive feeling of shame and frustration... I can keep it at bay, but is usually there running there in the background at some level.

I may or may not have ADD. I am not rushing to give myself a label. But my profile does seem to be consistent with some aspects of it.!

There are other factors which lead me to suspect I may be an ADD type. For example, I have read that language and motor control difficulties are often associated with ADD. I was very dyspraxic as a child (I broke my arms 3 time before the age of 14!) and had dyslexic symptoms (struggling at the bottom of the class for english, yet near the top for maths and science). I also stuttered badly...

Then there was my tic. I used have a blink. Other children would constantly ask “‘ave you got somat stuck in your eye?”. On the other side, I was quite fearless – always to be found at the top of the highest tree in the woods next to our house, and at primary school would happily take on "would be" bullies - I could hold my own!

One of my sons had a diagnosis of ADHD (as well as dyspraxia). I know ADD is familial. He was very hyperactive. I don’t think I am particularly hyperactive, so when he had his diagnosis - some 15 years ago - it did not particularly occur to me that I might have ADD (without the H!).

In many ways I cope well. My life is full of fascinating tangents… I do delight in the richness of it. But there is also a life- sapping procrastination which seem utterly debilitating at times… It sometimes takes so much effort to do really “simple” tasks like making a phone call, or paying a bill. I have coping mechanisms, so my struggle and anxiety is largely invisible.

So perhaps it is not surprising that my friends were a bit dismissive when I mentioned ADD. I hide my symptoms well. In a sense a diagnosis is not that important to me. What matters is that I can find a way through. I don't want to just "cope" with life - I want to flourish, to be the fullest self I can be!

Lists!

Today I have been trying to make friends with "lists". As I have said, this is not my natural way of thinking. I printed out this list of 5o tips on management of adult ADD

http://www.addresources.org/article_50_adhd_tips_adult_hallowell_ratey.php

It is going to take me while to take it in.. looks like it might be useful though.. Item 15 on the list is "Make frequent use of lists". Mmm.. I'll try!

I found another list: 20 questions to help identify ADD.

http://www.simplywellbeing.com/20-questions-are-you-add-adhd

I felt tearful reading the list. Yep, this is me! My answers were "YES" (in spades!) to almost every question.

These ones jumped out:

• Do you sometimes feel driven by a motor, or conversely feel stuck unable to take action?
• Are you very intuitive, empathetic, creative, an unconventional thinker?

Yes, I can be intuitive, empathic and creative and am certainly an unconventional thinker. These are some of the positives (though the latter is difficult to be with sometimes) And yes, I am driven or stuck: nothing in between. I can achieve a huge amount in 2 days, and then feel stuck for a couple of weeks! That's part of the negative side..... and the root of a lot of frustration and shame for me...

Also I found out about a workshop in London on ADD at the end of March. I rang up and talked to the organiser this morning. Seems interesting. I am going to try to get to it.... So I have made a start...

http://www.simplywellbeing.com/

Jam

PS Also looked at this Canadian video documentary on ADD

http://news.globaltv.com/Loving/2009300/story.html

I found the presentation and ads a bit annoying in places, but worth watching. Also the last section seems quite pro medication. I felt a bit disturbed by that. For me medication would be the very last option! I guess for some people it is the right way forward... I would like to be open-minded. I wonder if my attitude will change as I learn more?

First steps...

So how shall I start? Make a list!

Lists don't come naturally to me. Naturally I want to create a network or web of thoughts. Somehow lists seem too confining and defining. Although I can logically see the value of lists - thier linear nature supports sequential action - my brain also seems to get confused by them..

OK so this is just a brain dump... if you like a temporary linear network:)

1 Explore ADD on the web - report on this
2 Explore books which practically support ADD
3 Buy at least 3 books on overcoming ADD
4 Meet other people with ADD
5 Find support in completing at least one of my many projects!
6 Explore the positive side of ADD...
7 Take stock of my life now - decide where I want to get to...

I already want to change the order of the list! But maybe the order does not matter right now..

Also in writing that list I started to get uncomfortable with the label ADD - Attention Deficit Disorder. I prefer to call it a "syndrome". I have read a little about the condition already. Some writers like to see ADD (along with other so called disorders such as Dyslexia) as examples of neurodiversity. People's brains are "wired up" differently and this produces a diversity of strengths and difficulties for individuals. Western culture with its highly structured sequential organisation of time favours peoples whose talents are oriented to a "left brain" style of thinking. It is easy for those of us who do not naturally think in this way to imagine we have a "disorder" . After all, someone who lacks creativity or artistic flare, is rarely described as suffering from a "disorder", even thought their particular "deficit" may severely limit the richness of their life.

So I have made a first step. And right now I am already overwhelmed with tasks I need to do. I want to be aware of making this one a "interesting diversion" from other commitments I have already made!


Jam

ADD

I have just come to the conclusion that I probably have Adult ADD (Attention Deficit Disorder).

For years I have been plagued with a chronic difficulty in finding order and flow in life. Yes I have found moments of relative ease and orderedness, but generally a sense of chaos and confusion is just below the surface. Though being of above average intelligence I often feel utterly stupid!

My brain does not seem to do sequencing - it constantly wants to take me off on tangents. This can lead to creative insights - thinking "outside the box" is not difficult for me. The problem is that without some kind of sequencing, I can not communicate or develop creative ideas in a way which is useful for others. Nor can I get to completion! I have projects galore at some level of development which could easily stay on the "back burner" for life.

This blog is an exploration of ADD and a log of my progress to get Beyond the Jam to a place of creative ease and flow. Rather than seeing myself as "lazy", "self-defeating" or "weak willed", I choose to see myself as someone with many creative abilities, but whose brain is not naturally disposed to acquiring the skill set that is required for planning, organisation, sequencing etc.

My challenge is to learn those skills.

Jam